And...if there is this doom of swirling divergence in soul....never a hope to be steady...then,how indeed can a hope exist?I am wearing a mourners black for days ago....and a hooded cloak in fear of the next breath?Would it really be selfish of me to 'end it' if it meant the liberation of all the souls whose lives I touch?Wouldn't it be the ultimate sacrifice?If I cannot achieve inner peace...for the sake of those absorbing my energy...and my obvious impact on them...then it'd be a blessing to release my soul from the confines of this earthly skin...no?

I really hope you don't feel this way about you. You don't realize how much you matter to people. But it's not about dependence - it's about hope.
Seems like you've lost yourself a bit. I understand that, because I'm there too. But don't ever think that even through all your sadness that you don't matter. Your pain is real; your heart, and soul are too.

I wish I could answer all your questions and help you through your pain, but I don't have answers. But just remember this one thing - you matter!! You're stronger than you think, you are loved more than you realize, and the pain you feel can subside.