Thank you to all of you.......

I have not gone yet. Maybe I'll go tomorrow. The linked resources look good....

I do have a good therapist but I'm not sure what she could do. I told her I feel I need some kind of intensive therapy in conjunction with hers but she said it sounds like I'm looking for a magic cure and the only way out of my troubles is by doing inner child work......which is going to take a looong time and I'm desperate right now.

I guess I'm of the mind that sometimes suicide should be an option. Getting ****ed up by my parents wasn't what I envisioned when I signed up for this thing called life, nor was having to carry a ton of bricks on my back for the rest of my life. I did not sign up for this so why should I suffer like this?? People always tell me to hang on, that things will get better, and they haven't! (maybe because i have not learned how to manage some fiends and beasts - tendency to isolate, to withdraw, to sink into depression). It hurts to talk to people, any people at all- physically and emotionally. My voice never sounds like what it should be. people often can't hear what I say and I have to squeeze any remaining energy I had left to repeat myself louder... my throat always feels clamped, tense, drowning... I can't really feel myself when I interact with others, so I've been avoiding everyone. I feel detached from myself even now as I'm typing. I feel that my life has been a joke and I'm losing hope for myself. I'm stuck in a difficult life situation (a year now) and don't know what will happen. I don't think anything good will happen. Not with the worsening economy... and I've had more than enough time to look for work so I could move out of here, but I haven't even started. fears, self-doubt, terror, self-hate. I'm just so tired.
(There's more but that'll be it for now)....

gathering courage for tomorrow......