Thanks everybody. I talked about this tonight in my Women For Sobriety group. I can be quite open there about meds, unlike in AA, because everyone in the group is taking meds. There opinion was there was no way should I be trying to reduce my meds dosage at the same time that I'm trying yet again to get sober.

Madisgram re working - I do have some time. I qualified for employment insurance and have enough savings to support myself, with the EI, for 6 months. I've deliberately made the decision to not job hunt while I'm in rehab because I can't handle it and because most jobs want you to start within 2 weeks and I'm not willing to drop out of rehab. I'd only applied to this one job as it basically fell into my lap and was too good not to apply to.

Riight now I'm focussing on rehab, my mindfullness meditation course, getting to meetings and I'm doing a pretty good job of staying in the now. I do have my daily freak out about not being job hunting, but I can usually calm myself down by praying.

I did lots of nice things for myself over the weekend and today, and my mood is getting worse. I'm not quite at suicidal ideation - but I'm entertaining the possibility, but would definitely not act on it. I think I'm going to be ok waiting to see my pdoc and see if my mood normals out. I'm actually relatively safe as I'm in a hospital 5 days a week with rehab so my mood is being constantly monitored, and frankly I trust the staff there more than I trust myself to know if I'm heading for a crisis (history has proven this) and they know I've dropped my dose so they're paying extra close attention to me at the moment, so i feel like I'm safe.