((((((((Splintered))))))))))

I'm so familiar with that feeling of not wanting to go to the session before the break. If I'm in a place where I've kind of "shut down", I'm scared to go and open everything up again and then be left alone with it.

I actually always ended up showing up for those sessions, and I would tell him "I do NOT want to get into anything hard before break", and we would talk about other things - how to get through the break, how to reach out to someone if I needed support, how to hang onto the connection with T and still believe in it.

Twice before a break, something really big did come up. One time in particular, I was triggered, BIG time, the night before, and I ended up having a longer session and telling him all of the details of part of my story. And then we had something like 10 days off The timing felt horrible, but it just was what it was, and even that ended up being okay in the end. The trigger had happened, and I was going to be stuck with the flashbacks either way. I think it helped a little to tell T what was going on, even though he wasn't there to help me through it afterward.

My T takes lots and lots of vacations, so I have a lot of experience with breaks

You know what's best for you. I was always afraid that if I didn't connect with T before he left, that I would regret it, so I always went.

Lots of hugs to you....4 weeks is a long time