Quote:
Originally Posted by lotusflames
i just dont seem to be able to trust anything,
i'll easily become obsessed with someone (usually a guy) to the point i can't live without them which just freaks them out. and i'll convince myself i need them, want them and am in love with them.
then something happens and i feel completley abandoned and i hate it (read not responding to a message for 5 minutes) and i cant have them.
but if i can convince myself i love them, how do i know i actually love my husband?
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I guess you know that your love for your husband is real because it preceded this period of obsession you have identified.
As I read your initial post, I was thinking these feelings sound like the BPD. I have BPD, but do not have bi-polar. Others have posted that they think it is bi-polar. Not trying to confuse you, but I can only give you my opinion.
The abandonment issues & the losing yourself in someone else, is BPD.
It sounds like you are trying to separate the feelings & thoughts you have as a result of your diagnoses from the thoughts & feelings that are the "real" you. I have struggled with this in the past too. I never found a good answer to that, nor was I able to accomplish this separation.
Although I still try to identify which feelings might be BPD related, what I have discovered is that, for me, the BPD is part of the real me, so there is no way to separate all that. All of it is me.
It would be much tidier if I could identify certain feelings as BPD related, thus invalidating them & I do not have to own them either. I could blame them on the illness. I still want to do that sometimes, but I have found that to be counterproductive for me. It may not be that way for you.
Hang in there.
