(((((((( radio_flyer )))))))))

Being a parent of a child is tough, whether they are 10, 20, 30, or 50. When trying to change behaviors, both yours as in being tougher and his as in making him to be more responsible, I think one has to go at it one step at a time. Trying to change the whole picture at one time is just too much and terrifically overwhelming.

Maybe you can try changing one thing at a time. As an example, maybe you want AJ to pick up his dirty clothes and put them in the hamper and he's refusing to do that. Normally, you go around picking up everything and washing it for him, folding it and putting it away for him. Where is the benefit to AJ to do this on his own? There is none. So just telling him to do it, isn't going to work. You would have to tell him one time, to please pick up his clothing and put it in the hamper. If he doesn't do it, when you are doing laundry, leave his stuff lying around and don't do his laundry. That is the natural consequence for him not picking up his clothing when he was asked to do so. This should now give him some motivation to pick up his clothing and put it in the hamper.

From there, once that is accomplished, you can proceed to the next step of him doing his own laundry. Ask him to bring his hamper of dirty clothing to the washer on your laundry day. Maybe even ask him to sort it. If he doesn't do that, then don't go and get the hamper yourself. Don't do his laundry. Once again, there is now some motivation for AJ to bring his hamper to the washer and sort the clothes. (if he wants clean clothes that is LOL) Then you work on getting him to load his dirty clothes into the washer and adding detergent (show him how much he needs) and turning the washer on, so on and so forth.

I think you get my drift on that example. Change takes steps to accomplish. Both you and he need to make those changes. He may go kicking and screaming in the beginning because change and responsibility are hard to take when someone hasn't had to behave in those terms. Be patient with yourself and him through this process. You may have some stressful times through it, but when he realizes that you mean what you say, he will come around.

I truly think that small, subtle changes are the way to go with AJ at this point. Throwing all kinds of changes at him would be like throwing him to the wolves at this point. You both have a lot of past behaviors to change and it takes time and effort.

I wish you both all the best!


sabby