I am not sure where to post this, there didnt seem to be a particular forum for my question, but i figure since this issue is getting me down so much, that it could fit into here, so here it goes.

In general, I find myself dwelling a lot on the past, things that happened years ago, and I just beat myself up over it and I feel supreme guilt over whatever happened.

For instance, I dated a guy for 2 years, who was bi-polar and had all of these issues to deal with, and we were good at times, but his mood swings were really hard for me to deal with, but I was scared to leave him. Eventually, things did break off. I knew he had cheated on me once during the relationship but i found out he had cheated 3 separate times as well. My thoughts now are:

"what a jerk!!!" (to put it nicely"

and

"god how stupid am i"

anytime he's brought up, i just go out of my way to express hate for him, which i dont really feel, its more of a reassurance thing. But anyways. The point is, with a few particular issues in general, despite that I have a boyfriend that I am incredibly (!) happy with, I still think about my ex a lot, and other issues, things that happened that I am not proud of, I dwell on. I cant seem to let the past go, I cant accept it and move on, learn from it. I beat myself up over it and constantly dig to find ways that I could've handled the situation better.

However, even so, I always blame myself, feel incredibly guilty and shameful and wish that these instances hadn't ever occured in my life. I always feel like things are my fault. Staying with my boyfriend too long, the horribly wreckless 4 months after that breakup which i regret to this day (despite it being full over a year ago).

I shouldnt have to think about these things, I want to live in the present and enjoy all of the blessings i have.

Please help me. I just dont know how to let go, but I know that if i could learn, I would feel so much lighter.



emo