Well, I am still emotionally numb. We talked about the email thing from last week and how I cried after session. We talked about how it related to my past issues of trying to share important things with my youth pastor once but he didn't read what I wrote so I took back the note. Not just any note. It was a goodbye note. Thankfully it wasn't goodbye.

Anyway, T was kind. He wrote a lot this time in my file. At the end, he was telling me about how hard it was for survivors to hear good stuff about themselves. It is easier to accept the flaws people point out because of the abuse - we often could not put together mentally how we managed to get hurt by abusers and so we thought it was our fault. So it is hard to accept anything good about us.

So I decided to risk it and ask him for one "gold" about me. He was so cute because he acted like he had a ton of stuff to go through and tons of good things about me. I think I blushed. I said "Just ONE!" I could not take a list!!

My T told me that I had the biggest heart of anyone he ever met in his life.



I still don't feel anything for him good or bad. But that did open me up a little. He kept asking "What is the worst that can happen if you let yourself feel?" See... that IS the bad part. That is the hard part! I never again want to feel what I did after that last session. But I miss feeling for my T too.