I want to be perfect. That's all. I want to be the perfect employee, supervisor, wife, sister, daughter...etc and ad nauseum. I have to tell my T about it. I feel work slipping away from me. It is so hard to be perfect. But I am afraid to not be perfect. Yes, I know I am not really perfect. I just mean that to not constantly try to be perfect and not be perfect is agonizing as well. Da**ed if I do and Da**ed if I don't.

I need to bring this up with T. I am so scared that sometimes at work I just can't breathe right. And I shake. It's embarassing. How do you tell T that you are scared, just so d*** scared? When T thinks you are doing all fine and everything is great. How do you say, I need help, when you haven't needed it for so long. I feel like a failure at my life, my work, and in therapy. This just sucks. Anyone else feel like this?