Hi. I don't know if I'm allowed to post this or not, but I'm going through a hard time and would appreciate advice or encouragement. I keep waking up at night after my head is dropped down. I have an alter who keeps putting me to sleep and my head drops and I don't remember much. I keep getting little when my head drops and I hate it.
I bought a tent. I sometimes sleep in my bed, but sometimes I sleep in my tent and love it. I don't mind sleeping on the floor and I sleep when I can. I just hate having someone tell me to sleep and making me blink my eyes. I hate it. I want to sleep when I want to, not when a mean person tells me to.
I like to write and draw and sometimes I like to do that at night and sleep in the daytime and my alter doesn't like it. All she does is argue and hurt my neck with bad words. I don't like her. Her name is Martha and she's someone who hurt me in the past. I don't like her, she's so full of hate and sometimes she yells through me. I think she wants me to get kicked out of my apartment. She's really scary and sometimes chokes me when I eat. I don't know what to do about her. I need help. I can't integrate her and I put her in lockdown like they say in Got Parts and all she does is hurt me and wants to hurt people in the real world and I won't let her and it makes her mad. She's not a protector, she's evil and I don't like hearing her. All she does is call up bad body memories of the abuse. She wants me to drop my head down and I don't want to. I want to sleep when I feel like it, not when she says so. What do I do about her? Has anyone else gone through experiences like this? If so, what did you do?
I think that's it for now. If I set someone off, I'm sorry. And I hope this gets posted and that I don't get into trouble.
Thank you,
Hobbittmom