I had set out to do something outrageous- to quench outrage, I guess. A fools errend. Was going to drive south to my fathers grave alone and in a trance - something about having THE missing conversation with the dead.

Well, I am grounded : firstly I am grounded by a 25 year marraige to a wonderfull husband (imagine my disappearing on him like that and forgetting myself- INSANE idea) I am grounded by two children who expect more and want more and should have more from their mother. I am grounded by memories and experiences of love and loving, being loved.

I am not going anywhere. Not this way. Turned it around finally and its most integrating. Amnesia and fugue are HELL but I dont need to go acting up like nut case on top of it.

Thanks everyone who cheered me on and who remained cautiously silent as well. I'll get to do whats important and I'll do it with high inteligence and good sense and historic context- not as an invented personification of unmet need.

Love and hope,
Kathy