Hi guys,

I just wanted to come back and update you all that I'm probably going to leave newT. I just emailed oldT about it this morning and plan to talk with oldT before I make a final decision. This is how I explained it to oldT, so I'll paste it here...

I've been thinking for a few weeks now that T is not the best fit for me. I like her a lot, she is really skilled, and it was helpful to tell parts of my story again to someone. I'm not even sure I can point to anything concrete as "wrong," except that something just feels off. It's been 5 months and I still don't feel completely safe with her. (I don't feel comfortable enough to cry, for instance). I feel a bit of a pull to look out for her feelings, actually. The last two sessions, I really didn't want to be there at all.

It's really tough because she hasn't done anything really wrong, and I do really like her. Regarding the not crying thing... I tear up very easily with oldT and it feels good every time I cry with her. Not feeling comfortable to cry AT ALL with newT is a problem. We also had a couple misunderstandings several weeks ago re: money and email (she wanted me to email her every week, then she reminded me about her email boundaries for no reason and then encouraged me again to email her). She apologized and admitted that those misunderstanding were about HER and not me. We worked through it, but things just haven't felt comfortable since.

Then, she had a death in the family and was out of the office for 2+ weeks, and I felt RELIEVED. It felt really really good not having therapy for two weeks. She contacted me a few times via email and I didn't even really want to write back.

I think it's time to move on, and I guess I'm curious what you all think. Also, I guess I could just use some hugs because I'll be going without any T for a while. I don't know that I'll look for a replacement right away. I feel pretty spent from this whole process the past few months.

I function very very well with and without therapy...though it would be nice to find a place where I feel safe and heard. Like if I could just go to a doctor's office and get a shot of empathy/understanding/safety once a week, it'd be fabulous.