Hey, Disaster,

Know how you feel regarding self-termination. Been there, done that. After all is said and done, it's not a very good idea, even if you don't have children. There really are Other Ways of Feeling, better ways, more comfortable ways, after you've crawled out of the disaster debris that covers you now. That's what T is supposed to be helping you do. If she's just pooh-poohing it, you need to ask her for supportive care. She'll know what that means. It means changing from an accent on progressive change to an accent on shoring you up in your present condition so that you don't flip out and do something silly to yourself or your kids. It's just temporary, until you find your feet again and get your balance, after which you switch back to a forward-moving type of therapy again. Are you sure your T knows where your head is at right now?

Self-termination is a really bad solution to a problem that has many, many other potential solutions, solutions with end-products of a much happier and more relaxed you. I know exactly what you feel like in that respect. I've spent three years wanting desperately to get rid of myself. But with my T I've been able to crawl out of that hell and into the light. No question you can do it too. Your children really deserve your doing that, getting away from the self-termination stuff. Would that be the way you really want them to have a last memory of you? Most people would say no.

Hang on, hang in there, do whatever you need to do to stay alive and treat your children well. If your present T doesn't measure up to your standards, find another. You CAN emerge from your present crisis into a sunnier world. THOUSANDS (literally, thousands) of PC members past and present have done it after being plagued by the same kind of awful thoughts of which you complain. You CAN do it. You CAN like yourself, your life and your children at the same time! Take care.