Hello, beautifuldisaster78. Please consider printing your post for your therapist. The treatment you are receiving is not working. You need more help NOW. Remember too, 911 is an option if you are in an immediate crisis. Going to the Emergency Room also is.

Some recommended resources and hotlines include:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
http://www.suicide.org/
http://www.hopeline.com/
http://www.suicideforum.com/

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

You are in my thoughts.