thanks for feeling comfortable with sharing how you are feeling. i am no doc but sounds like severe depression or hypomania combined. please insist your therapist see you ASAP. i too don't like the previous response you got from your T but for now insist you see him. and hopefully schedule with a new T. also use the crisis hotline where you live. i've done so and it helped.
as for your sui...thoughts. i've been there too and got so down i told my T when he said, what would that do to your son? i replied it would be doing him a favor. NOT!!! my T took drastic measures cause that indicated how bad my thoughts were. your T needs to do the same. tell him exactly where you're at. tell him what you told us...u can print out your thread if that helps you not leave anything out about how you are feeling. you need not minimize anything. you need help IRL. meanwhile post as much as you like and lean on us. we do understand as many of us have suffered as much as you need to.
today i'm grateful i got the help i needed. i have 3 wonderful grandchildren i might have never known. i watched my son grow up and be a good man. i am so thankful i got the help i needed. hold on and fight back for your life...it can be wonderful. just don't give up. feel free to pm me if you want. i am willing to listen. we're all here for you.