hi ErinBear , Everybody this is a good forum. My fiance committed suicide in 94. The journey since has been long and hard. When"that"thought creeps in as it often does i have learned to realize that it is a symptom. It isn't REAl and it Will pass. I know I have to pick up the phone. That was a scary one to learn. Just hearing a voice or reading something like this forum shifts me. For the longest time at work or wherever I was i would do it. Scary! Most times I just state that I'm in a bad spot right now and please talk to me about any thing for a minute. Most of my friends are supportive and the ones that aren't I file under" not available right now." Just hearing a voice is a lifeline. i too try walking but lately i have no energy. So back to small steps. Regular Sleep, Nutrition, and walks. I'm also reading all these posts. Makes me feel humble. thank you all for sharing