Hello, Michah. Your questions are familiar to me. No theory I have entertained satisfies my need to know. When morose, I suggest I am the victim of the deluded, complete with their genetic make-up and burdened environmentally beginning while in the womb and thereafter until some semblance of maturation.

I further suggest the cause of the delusion I speak of may well be other-worldly. The other-worldly one likes to be entertained by the frailties of its creations.

I am not convinced I have free will. To me, free will is the manipulation used to make the creations of the other-worldly one purportedly responsible for evil.

After venting, I realize my suggestions have not helped me feel better. The important work I must attend to is how to survive, and maybe find a bit of peace.