Well, I am getting worse, like was suggested, and I am getting more and more suicidal with each mixed episode. I guess I can always abuse alcohol. But I cant drink at work, can i?

in all seriousness, I am going back on drugs again. I seeing my D.O next week. I am not caving per say, more like, self preservation. I have my career to think about now, and the friends who were holding me hostage are moving away. I guess i'm weak like that. But.. i need help. More help then T can offer with therapy.

I still have my reservations about it all; i don't want to go back on klonopin or lithium. I'd be interested in lamitcal, and other low-side effect drugs to stabilize the moods. My anxiety goes away when i'm in a good mood anyway.

But I thought you guys might want to know.