My husband has an addiction to internet porn but he never hid it from me. I could see how it would drive you insane to just find out and it must feel like your whole world is upside down but i dont think that the spyware and obsessing is good for either of you!! You will make yourself doubt everything AND make him feel he needs to be EXTRA sneaky and you will BOTH end up worse! Im not a pro but i can say that accepting that my hubby has an addiction and understanding that its not because he doesnt desire me (because he is very attentive and loving) has helped us BOTH. Since he doesnt feel isolated and like nobody would understand him and he doesnt feel like he has to be ashamed anymore, it isnt such an issue for him anymore. He doesnt really even go online much now and when he does its finally not to look at porn. I am unsure of your EXACT situation but mine never involved cheating online or in real life but if that is the case for you. Thats a whole new story. I really hope you find some helpful info here or at least a nice group of people who know EXACTLY what you are going thru. -HUGS-