I have been regreting having moved from the state of Ohio because I couldn't get to know my older relatives. I have been trying to call my grandma on a regular basis but failed to get to know her.
This morning she died.
I moved because I have a strange tendency to let everyone else make my decisions for me. I wanted to live where someone would require me to make decisions. So, I moved in with my sister in another state. Now, I live on my own but regret living my original state. Was I selfish to want to try to figure out how to actually make decisions on my own? My family cared about me but I was so indecisive that if someone gave me advice I thought I had to follow it. Why couldn't I have stayed in Ohio and found some way to learn how to live on my own? But my dad was willing to just let me live there like a bum. How could I ever get on my own feet if I didn't deliberately stick myself in a position where someone would teach me the bus routes, help me to look for work and push me when necessary. I mean my dad never encouraged me to look for a job and there was no bus route. Driving scared me because of my lack of direction and some odd fear.
Thanks for letting me run on for a while.