Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGammaGeek
Right now I'm feeling really odd. It's like overwhelming anger, deep depression and joy all wrapped into one.
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From what you've described in your other recent posts, you do have a lot of stuff going on in your life so... why
couldn't you be experiencing all three at once?
---------- Entering Fool Zero's fantasy ----------
Please watch your step.
What you're manifesting could very well be a healthy response to finding yourself stuck in a crazy and abusive situation.
---------- Leaving Fool Zero's fantasy ----------
Please watch your step.
Quote:
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I have NO idea what came over me as we were walking together, but all of a sudden the words "Can I hold your hand?" fell out of my mouth. He was cool with it, since apparently he's "loved" me since he met me 3 years ago. Even knowing all my problems, he still likes me.
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My guess would be that you noticed you felt like holding his hand and went ahead and told him so. Stranger things have happened.
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I HATE IT. This stupid feeling makes me feel like I'm gonna puke. It's so weird and horrible! I don't have the skills to hold a relationship anyway, as obvious by my constant dumping of him. And physical/eye contact is just so awkward! I have no idea what came over me. I want it freaking gone.
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You feel more than one way -- about him, yourself, and what you're doing together. Again, utterly normal and healthy, and you seem to be sorting through your feelings more honestly and straightforwardly than a lot of people do. It'll often be uncomfortable for you but the more willing you are to allow yourself to feel uncomfortable whenever you do, for however long you do, the faster and more gracefully you'll move on through it.
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I don't know what I'm feeling, but I'm terrified my mind is tricking me into thinking I'm feeling something I'm not.
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Good observation. You're going to feel whatever you feel and yes, you're also going to make up stories about what it means. The trick, if there is one, is to just keep noticing whatever you're aware of including how you feel -- and whenever you notice yourself making up a story about it, don't believe the story. Some people call that mindfulness, some call it Zen, but you don't have to call it anything at all unless you want to.
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... he probably already got the wrong message when I was holding his hand and gave him that hug or two before he went home.
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My guess would be that he first got pretty much the same message that you sent. What he did with the message
after he got it, neither you nor I have any way of knowing until he tells us.
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At least he's so understanding. That or he's the biggest idiot I ever met.
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...neither of which is, strictly speaking, a bad thing
Click on the picture if you want, for a little more about that: