Thank you sundog. I definitely appreciate that avoiding triggers compounds the problem, but i cannot even say that right now, not going outside makes me feel good, because it doesn't. I still feel like crap and it depresses me that i seem unable to go outside, then my self esteem plummets.. so it's a lose-lose situation all round! I did go for one walk yesterday just in my neighborhood and it was horrible, i could hardly breathe the whole time, my fingernails were digging into my clenched hands, and i was scared to look up. My therapist wanted me to do it again, i made it as far as opening the door and saying, 'um, nope.' I'm going to try for a walk today, and depending on how that feels, i may go buy some groceries. We'll see.

And for the record, i never did make it to the psychologists office yesterday.

Thank you kittie06, that is what i am afraid is happening, unfortunately. I did realize yesterday thought that this started approximately one week ago.. and that is when they upped my dose of epival.. i found that interesting and wonder if that's the culprit?

Ambrosa, depending on how my walk goes today, i may feel brave enough to buy groceries, but if i do, i am thinking of calling a friend to come with me. I was going to yesterday but i didn't even think i could do it WITH someone! How sad is that?!

Cyran0, like i mentioned i didn't make it to the psychologists office, but i did call and talk to my therapist and she gave me ideas, told me to do yoga, then meditate and use the rock she gave me to ground myself, deep breathing, then go for another walk and just pay attention to all the surroundings; essentially, get out of my own head. She also told me about the 'butterfly hook' which i've never heard of but basically you put your right hand on upper left arm and visa versa, then as you focus on your breathing you gently tap each arm alternatively. She says the rythym, the hugging motion, and the deep breathing has a calming effect. I still couldn't make it outside again, i figured once was enough!