I'm going to contradict what I wrote just 2 days ago. But, that's ok, isn't it? I mean, for a crazy person.

I don't know if I can handle this turmoil of 'healing'. If only I were convinced the 'process' is going to work. I'm worried that my out of control emotions will send me over the edge.

So far, I'm behaving more or less ok. I have a terrible time concentrating on work but probably the fact that I have responsibilities to other people keeps me in check. What's the worse that can happen? Well, I could run away from home again and hurt H and family. Well, they survived before, they can survive again. Kids are grown so I don't have to be responsible for them.

Sometimes I wish I could be a true blue certified crazy. Then I could be institutionalized and not have to take care of anything anymore. Just live in my head and let the rest of life glide by.

But this halfway place is tortuous. half the day sane; half the day crawling out of my skin.

Things were ok before therapy. Not wonderful but ok. I think there should be warnings and advisories for people who are considering beginning therapy. If we knew the side effects, we would be more informed consumers.