So as you all know my life is a complete mess. By mess, I mean a disaster.

I didnt handle "J" leaving very well and that still weighs heavily on my mind. Just exactly what do I need to do about this. Well, I know what I need to do, but the bad guy on my shoulder is telling me to do it anyway. I hate temptation.

I want to go home which is actually becoming more of a reality. The house went on the market on Monday. Who knows how long it will take to sell, I just want to go home. We talked to father in law today, he said he will help us get home. We will rent an apartment until our place here sells and then perhaps look to to buy something then, in my area

I know it will take sometime. Talked to my friend at my OLD job today. I told her not to say anything to anyone but she couldnt help herself and told our boss (my old boss). So my old boss asked her if I was looking to get back to work right away, part time, full time??? I guess it seems I could get my old job back but I am not sure I want that but at least I know the option is there...maybe??? I guess I should call my ex boss tomorrow and play it off as casual. I do talk to her from time to time anyway.

Sometimes I feel like I create drama in my life because it is comfortable. I am used to it. I dont think I do it intensionally but I have been sitting back the last few days and keep asking myself if I have created the holy hell I am in and the answer is yes. I wish I didnt need the drama or chaos, but it seems that most of my life, drama and chaos played a major part, doesnt seem normal when things are calm. I am crazy as a loon