today i woke up and felt very very happy, for about 2 minutes then i realized that feeling was gone. then during school my day was going ok, you might have called me happy. towards the end of the day i got anxious though. i drove home, ate, and then set off back to school for a banquet for a retiring teacher. i hated it, and i nearly flipped out trying to sit there and pretend i was ok with it. i managed though, then went home. after the meeting, i was in a mood though.

i went home, and realized i couldnt do homework...i sat and watched tv and have been listening to trance on my headphones for hours now.

i began by punching myself in the head, then i completely destroyed a fussball table. then i found my knife and i slashed up my left arm, ive never cut before. i didnt want to kill myself, i just wanted to watch it bleed. and i hit myself in the head so i will stop thinking because it gets unbearable, there is no control in my mind, voices just keep asking questions and harassing myself.

i took some blood and wiped it on my face and just stared in the mirror for a while. i wanted to break a plate on my head but my urge died down some, and i didnt get to it.

what is wrong with me?

btw...im seeking help soon.