In my first couple of months with T, I was having trouble sharing something very personal and he wanted to know why and I said I was afraid it was too awful for him to hear and I didn't want to put him through that. Then he said he would be OK, that he had very good training, and that he had strong boundaries. I had no idea what boundaries meant, but it sounded reassuring.

Later in therapy, T pointed out that I had very poor boundaries in that I let people walk all over me. I guess I just never learned how to protect myself. So we worked some on helping me to learn what a boundary is and how to set it. I found that I sometimes do set boundaries, but that I am really bad at maintaining them. If someone steps over my boundary, I don't know how to make them do what I want and observe my boundary. They step on me even if I tell them not to. The whole boundaries thing is very hard! I think it is an excellent area to work on in therapy. I bought a book all about learning to set boundaries and I thought it was very good. It gave all different sorts of instances--setting boundaries with friends, family, partners, co-workers, etc.

I tend to be very respectful and observant of others' boundaries, so T has not had to tell me to back off of his. (That would hurt!) I tend to be the opposite, and not want to approach as close as I probably should for optimum benefit.

dizgirl, when my T and I talk about these issues of fees and appointment times and such, he calls them "the frame." He told me once that I tend to get kind of upset when the frame wobbles.