Hi Jen,

I've just read through all your recent threads, and tried to feel myself into your situation, although I know that's not really possible.

First thought - you're reflective - that is a great advantage with the illness. Imagine if you didn't have a clue about how the illness works in us?

Second thought - A classic symptom of anxiety illnesses is creating situations in order to break the loop of unhappy thinking. For some reason, making some chaos seems to alleviate the worst feelings for a while, like creating a diversion. My Dad was always doing this, and I used to do it a lot. I've made a few 'U' turns in my time, I can tell you! It does give us some relief, but I found that the symptoms do come back again. I think that it's a kind of avoidance strategy.

Third thought - OK - I am going to say this - Emotional conflict can drive some very deep anxiety. If we have unresolved feelings this can screw us up badly.

I recently had a test of my own marriage and I felt like I was on another planet. Then I came through it with a definite decision and I'm back on 'lake placid' again. If there is some way that you can make a deep decision about your marriage, I believe that you will feel so much better. Resolution is mighty good medicine.

Last thought - I think that I would find an experienced therapist, prepare for at least two years work, and give them the lot. I would go right to the bottom of the well and sort through the crap. That is maybe my strongest thought.

For a young person (you) with a pretty good understanding of the illness and good self awareness I would say that there is a good chance of a cure.

That's how I see things anyway, but as always, it's only my opinion and I'm no expert!

Good luck Jen!

M.

PS - Many years ago, I used to suffer episodes of anxiety that would make me cut short my holidays, no matter who was with me, I just had to do it! In recent years I have the same episodes of anxiety and all it means is going to my room for a while. Then I can get on with the holiday again.

It's the same anxiety, but the outcome is different. It certainly takes a lot of work, my God it's hard, but I want those small victories.