DH...you are not a freak. I repeat: you are not a freak. Sounds like OCD. It is torturous until you get this under control.

My youngest daughter has OCD,( Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder) and is in therapy.

She has lost some fair-weather friends. But those that really care about her remain steadfast.

Don't let anything stop you from getting the help you need. You are a young & wonderful human being. You are NOT the OCD. Follow through with the screening. You've made a good start.

I hope you will come back here and share your progress/feelings with us. Take good care

Feel free to PM me anytime. I will try and get back to you as soon as I can.