Can't Stop Crying - Thanks for your comments. My hobbies have fizzled as I've gotten older. I used to play a lot of tennis and made some friends. But, I've developed chronic elbow and foot injuries and running and jumping are no longer possible on a competitive basis. I've tried swimming (don't like it at all) and will soon try cycling as a new hobby though I can't say I have much enthusiasm for it; it's a hobby by default and is much less social than tennis. I've tried language classes and cooking classes but didn't make any friends even though my skills were decent. I see my MD next week and will request to see a physical therapist about my golfer's elbow condition. I now use the computer mouse with my left hand rather than my right and have re-positioned my keyboard at work so that my right arm is not on my desk as I type. It still has not healed though; lifting weights only seems to re-injure it rather than make it stronger and injury resistant. I continue to walk alot - about 15 miles a week - but my feet cannot take it anymore and I've been in considerable pain. It's a shame because I really like being outdoors. I will have to resort to using an eliptical machine at the gym - so boring; walking to nowhere. I do it all without smiling. In social situations, I have to remind myself to smile. I don't seem to be able to fool anyone. Maybe I don't have a fully formed personality? My inner critical parent is very strong but my efforts to change it have been futile. There's something missing for sure. I've been told to "act as if" but have found it to be useless information - pretending to be someone else makes me feel even more uncomfortable. I can get very panicky in intimate situations which results in poor communication - I can't talk because my mind goes blank or I say the first thing that comes into my head out of desperation; there are so many emotions going at once that I don't know what I'm feeling. I keep trying but I'm running out of ideas. Still, I very much appreciate your support and compassion.

lostmyfuture: You sound like my mother. When I talk of my background, I do so to tell of my life experiences rather than affix blame. I've studied Buddhism and use a lot of compassion towards my mother and the rest of my family. I'm very adult about it. Since my father died young, and all my siblings are younger and mom is basically a child, I'm well acquainted with the role of an adult. I won't date bossy people - why repeat my past? I find some of your comments to be inappropriate.