Had my first completely sleepless night since last semester. Ran through a lot of old resentments towards family members and people who bullied me at various stages of my life.

Somehow all that anger gave me a feeling of power, which I thought would carry through to today, but that did not happen. I ended up staying in bed nearly 12 hours, and my mood has really crashed. I am trying to write part of a big paper, and can barely eke out a few words every half-hour or so.

Mostly I am surfing the Web and whimpering softly to myself, wondering if I will ever feel better, or if I just need to suck it up and stop my inward focus. I feel bad that all the help I've gotten from so many good people here seems to have been for nothing.

No brilliant insights to report. Just hoping to pull through today, at least accomplish some fraction of what I had planned to get done.