I can't believe how weird this is - hashing out my personal issues here in public. But it's great getting such wonderful feedback.

I know you're all correct in your assessment of the situation. These feelings I have now are, of course, indicative of suppressed feelings I've had in RL.

I've read that this is where the magic of attachment to T is so valuable - that it spotlights in much clearer detail our emotional landscape.

Yes, it's true - I have felt severely emotionally neglected my whole life but hadn't realized to what extent I suffered from it until just now. I mean, it makes no sense how I'm reacting to T except what I've read about transference.

Even though I understand that's what's going on, I have allowed it to be felt because I desperately want to know what's going on with me. (transference occurs even if it's not erotic; I think some people believe it's only the 'in love' part of transference but it's actually the playing out of our issues onto the T.)

I know I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. I know I'm over-reacting but T has encouraged me to really tap deeply into my emotions. I had kept them bottled up for so many years and didn't even know I had emotions. I even blamed her a couple of weeks ago for making me 'go crazy'.

I'm just reading a book "Attachment in Psychotherapy" David J. Walling - a quite clinical book for psychotherapists, that the attachment to T allows the patient to change. "Such a relationship provides a secure base that enables the patient to take the risk of feeling what he not supposed to feel..."

"The therapist's role here is to help the patient both to deconstruct the attachment patterns of the past and to construct new ones in the present. Patterns played out in our first attachments are reflected subsequently not only in the ways we relate to others, but also in our habits of feeling and thinking.

"Correspondingly, the patient's relationship with the therapist has the potential to generate fresh patterns of affect regulation and thought, as well as attachment.

"The therapeutic relationship is a developmental crucible within which the patient's relation to his own experience of internal and external reality can be fundamentally transformed."

I guess I see in myself that I have enough trust in T to be able to finally allow myself to feel feelings that 'I am not supposed to feel.'

And so, I do see the benefit of all of this emotional turmoil, I think I understand why it's happening. My challenge is to see it through and not lose courage to face my fears. I'm not sure I'll be able to do that but I have hope.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of your suggestions and comments. They have helped me so much