Sorry that I have taken so long to respond. I have been taking time to try to sort things out and deal with the stress dealing with all of the above..

I have had a lot of people suggest that I sit down and talk with my mom, and I know that I should. Unfortunately I've long had a hard time just going up to her and asking her if we could "talk". So I've often preferred the method of slipping issues we've had or that I've been having into an easy going conversation, that way the heavy discussion still follows the flow of a relaxed and understanding conversation. However my preferred method also means that I am to the whimsy of if or not we have a conversation or if my younger sister is around.

So I really wasn't able to do this recently because the interraction between my mother and I consisted of a lot of stress and fighting until about three or four days ago. To me it seemed no matter how I behaved I was always 'disrespecting' and 'mistreating' my mother. She would say that I didn't know how to talk to her and that I showed her a great level of disrespect whenever I did talk or if I did anything. I know that I'm usually good about thinking back on my actions and words and being able to see what she saw, but I wasn't able to do that this time around...

So during many of the times that she would start yelling and ranting about the things I did wrong, I listened to her... But I didn't respond. I was surprised that she seemed okay with my not responding, while at the same time afraid that she'd get pissed off at me for 'closing off'. However I think the fact that I actually listened to what she had to say, she could tell that my body posture and facial expression was different than when I have actually closed off from what she was saying...

Anyway her and I had a conversation that she started... It was a bit less heated than the previous ones and she expressed concerned over my intended summer schedule. I have finally gotten a job, that's only part time and it's baby sitting for a friend of a friend. It's the first job I have ever gotten. She said that she didn't think that I was considering the good of the household with my decisions. So I expressed to her that this was my first job, that I have been tired of skipping out on job opportunities because of the potential of her finally getting a job. (My mom has be job hunting for several years, for some strange reason she doesn't qualify for unemployment. However I have always had to be aware that, no matter what kind of job I get it has to fit around the potential schedule of if my mom had a job.)

On top of that, I've already assumed that over 50% of my pay would end up going towards the household. I find that to be rather beneficial, rather than detrimental. For I will at least be supplying money for gas in the car this summer. Mom ended up dismissing me at the end of that conversation, because I told her that I did not understand her point of view about something else in the conversation that I can't recall at the moment... I think that this conversation may have been a turning point, because for the past four to three days mom has had a much more pleasant tone when talking to me. I haven't done anything different, however she isn't frequently yelling at me for things that I've said or done. So in return for her being more pleasant I've been spending more time with the family again and I even helped her with yard work.

Unfortunately there is plenty boiling under the surface, because instead of talking about it mom makes snide remarks to express her displeasure about something.

Oh thank you -Salukigirl- for the advice, a few times I did think about just leaving the house in a manner that could have caused a lot of problems.

- Leed - My mom is worried about my girlfriend thinking that she can take better care of me than my mom would. It may be a sense of jealousy, but I do know that she's insecure and doesn't want to see me 'stolen' or honestly Hurt by anyone. Let alone some chick that I've known for 9 months and have been dating for 8. To my mom this girl has no history with our family and my mom doesn't know the history of her family. Mom would much rather me date an old friend that has been around since I was three because she knows them and has since we were both three. I've so far decided not to let my mother ruin this relationship, I have been stubborn thus far and will continue to that I will only end this relationship because I see that it is no longer healthy for me in and of itself or I simply don't have an interest in her anymore. Which I and my girlfriend have talked about. If she and I need to have the 'just friends' talk, then that is perfectly fine and we will deal with it like adults when and if it happens.

My mom has tried to be respectful about it, however I just know her well enough to know fully that she hasn't liked the situation from teh beginning. My girlfriend really can't tell that my mother doesn't like her, because my mother gives respect and courtesy to anyone, even if she has no respect for them. Almost two-faced I suppose.

- Wolfsong - I really appreciate your 2 cents, and I would like to say thank you for expressing them.

I see my mother's concern too about the medication, I honestly do. However I am saddened that she doesn't think that I would go into taking the medication without doing research for myself... Being her daughter. I often don't approve of medication myself, I also hardly take any aspirin, tylonal, etc for headaches preferring to figure out why I had the headache in the first place, then using another means to get rid of it such as a warm rag on my face if it's sinus (which is usually is) or brushing my teeth if it's because I had too much sugar (we have sensitive teeth in our family.. lol those are the two main causes of my headaches. )

She knows about that preference as well, and I've grown up hearing of her skepticism on medication for any sort of mental disorder or what have you. I did research and read statemetns from patients that have taken the medication as well before reading it... and even though I know that the medications can increase suicidal thoughts and etc. This medication ended mine... Or else I would have called the doctor right away and had a discussion about alternatives.... And while my mom says that she has done research on this medication and knows everything about it... Other comments she has made does not lead me to believe that. Moreso I believe that she has made a generalization... I have tried to explain it more to her, however she will shut down on me on that matter... I'm sure she has reasons of her own about being so very against it, for she made a comment: "that is not one I have tried before" in reference to my medication. So perhaps she has had very poor experience with anti-depressants herself for struggling with depression is a family issue that's not well coped with...

My mom and her glares, she is a very silent communicator. Mostly body language and facial expressions are all one needs to pay attention to in order to understand what her true opinion is on everything. However she might take for granted that she can read other's body language so well, and thus expects others to read hers just as well. Many people are not so attuned to reading body-language however. it took me many years as her daughter to understand myself. So if she doesn't want to pull me aside and remind me of an opinion or if she doesn't want to speak it with others present, she will glare or express something facially.

A lot of my perception of her has been shattered... and I am starting to understand that my boundaries with my mother are ones that I certainly have to work on. However she encourages my boundaries to be where they have been, for she wants me to be grateful and helpful towards her for having raised me, protected me, fed me and taught me. In a very simple term it seems that she wants my world to revolve around her. At the same time she wants me to be an individual and to strive on my own way. There is a confliction she is causing in this way of raising me, however I'm not certain if she's unaware of it or if she's actually doing it on purpose as a means to teach me how to deal with certain things in my adult life. My mother is a tricky woman like that and there are several times I've realized how much conscious thought and effort she has put into a situation to ensure that I learn something that she thinks may be essential to my adult hood.

So either way, I'm grateful that her and I are getting along so much better at the moment, I'm taking extra steps to show her that I appreciate it to, that I haven't been going through this situation ignorant of the undercurrents. However I know that, at least for myself as an individual, I need to start doing things differently for myself. I'm keeping aware of potential living situations, job openings and future schools to see what I can do about finances and eventually getting out into the world on my own. The reality is that one day I will not be living in my mother's house, and one day I will be supporting myself. Perhaps with a partner in a room-mate or romance... But that will be a different situation than with my mother. I think it is something for my mother and sister to also learn that I will not always be there as the middle-person to fall back on.

Hahaha, ah life... and the things that it does.

Thank you all for reading and responding to what I've had to say.. It means a lot and I truely do appreciate the insight and perspective all three of you have offered me.