I went into session fully expecting to have a shut down. Silent Session. But it didn't happen! I was open and we talked and talked. She brought up the emails I had written her and said what great progress they had shown. She said that from the first one I sent her, to the last one, she could see where I worked my anger issue out so beautifully! I was proud of myself.

I showed her the post where I was talking about how I would have a difficult time doing therapy withoutout email. It would be like going to church and being told you can come to get healed, but you cannot sing when you are here, you must do everything in sign language!

We talked about how some therapists will do email, some won't. Some allow phone calls, some don't. Every therapist has there own set of rules they go by. I asked her if she really had any set rules about email. She said she did not. She said she is fine with it. But then she asked me why I sent them? What was my purpose for sending them. Was it to process? Was it to share what was going on? Was it to get a response from her?

I told her that I didn't know, but that if I sent an email, I did expect a response. She asked me how I would feel if she didn't. BTW~She never got back with me on this last email. She said she meant to, but things got really busy for her. She did say she wondered how I would handle that.

I asked her if she was challenging me by not responsing to my email. She assurred me that she was not. But she did wonder how I would react to that. It didn't bother me too much until the night before session. I hadn't heard from here, so I was wondering if she even wanted me to come to my next session.

She asked me a strange question. Is sending emails a way for you to gain control in therapy? I did not understand what she meant by that. I just told her that everybody had their own way of expressing themselves. I write. When I write to her, I do want her to respond back to me. She asked me why? I thought that was a dumb question, but I answered it anyway. I want you to respond because there is no point in me writing (talking) to you if you are not going to talk back. If that is the way it is going to be, then I will no longer send any emails.

She backed up and said, "I never said you couldn't send emails. I just want to know your reason for sending them and what you were expecting from me."

To this I said, "What exactly are you trying to say? Are you wanting to stop the email communication? Are you saying I can still send them, but you will not respond?"

I told her that email communication was just become part of our therapy. It was one way that we were able to connect between sessions and I was able to really dig deep and show her my feelings when they came up during the week. It was working for us.

She agreed and we finally stopped all that nonsense. She had me going in circles! I never could figure out why she did that, only to end up saying, "Keep them coming. This works for you. There are many clients that I have suggested journally to, and they have rejected it flat out. It is not something they feel comfortable with. You obviously do, so you need keep on writing!"

She finally said, "We are not going to change anything. I will read your emails and respond to you. I just wanted to make sure why you were sending them."

I was like, "You told me to! You encouraged me to." She replied, 'Yes, and you have done a great job!" I am still spinning a little from that conversation. I sent her an email when I got home to ask her to explain the whole controlling thing.

I am wondering if part of this was her way of getting me to ask for it? To ask her to respond? To ask for what I need? That is where I kinda felt she may have been going with this. I may be wrong, though. She was confusing me with all the questions!