I am pleased you returned to your post.I have been randomly checking in as to an update.And here it is....lol

As far as you approaching a subject for discussion with her...you are the only one who can know how best to navigate your approach with her.The surrounding circumstances do seem to require forethought.

I am pleased to hear that you are finding a bit of clarity and perspective on the exchanges with your mum.

"afraid" she'd 'get pissed at me for closing off'.....>.< Akk...you possess the right to shut down and ponder.It does help a mum for you to say...I need to assess this before we go further...but,you don't even owe a mum that bit.

Let me get this straight...she's been job hunting for several years...and thus at any given time,since she could 'possibly' get a job......you've skipped out on your own opportunities?This is 'Your' 18th year...she had hers."Always had to be aware" "Fit around the potential schedule" of hers....(((((What madness and unhealthy exchanges)))))...Sorry....This is just frustrating that you are in such a confusing circumstance.Life isn't supposed to look like this for you at 18.

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[I think that this conversation may have been a turning point, because for the past four to three days mom has had a much more pleasant tone when talking to me. I haven't done anything different, however she isn't frequently yelling at me for things that I've said or done. So in return for her being more pleasant I've been spending more time with the family again and I even helped her with yard work.]

This is good.....

[My mom and her glares, she is a very silent communicator. Mostly body language and facial expressions are all one needs to pay attention to in order to understand what her true opinion is on everything. However she might take for granted that she can read other's body language so well, and thus expects others to read hers just as well. Many people are not so attuned to reading body-language however. it took me many years as her daughter to understand myself. So if she doesn't want to pull me aside and remind me of an opinion or if she doesn't want to speak it with others present, she will glare or express something facially.]

Okee...I have done this...but,I always come out of it and will talk...mostly because my son is like a giant brain .....lol....and he calls me on my sh'' lol.But,we always end up discussing stuff later very diplomatically and with an ability I have to see things from all sides.(Which is actually disturbing to me...because since I can see things from all sides I flop around sporadically in my views...)<---really abhor this about my self.

Wow...there's alot I'd like to say about my interpretations of all of this.Unfortunately,I do need to consider my impact on your attitude...and mood...and the relationship itself.What I don't want to do is influence further dissension in your home.

It is possible for you to interact with any sort of therapist,school counselor...a very balanced parent of a friend who can try not to allow themselves to cause you two to be pitted against one another?

Your mum sounds passive aggressive.Almost as if...the abject forcefulness didn't work ...so...she's approaching the runway differently after circling back round.I can't be there and see what actually is going on...but,

My entire feel...is...ugghhh this is an 18 year old.Why should you have to consume your time with this crud rather than study...or any other activity?

On the other hand...a part of me says that this whole scenario may be viewed as potentially something which is a lesson on interaction with those you encounter once out there on your own...experience under your belt.

I can't help but feel that my words have had a big impact on the following statement

[A lot of my perception of her has been shattered... and I am starting to understand that my boundaries with my mother are ones that I certainly have to work on]

[she wants me to be grateful and helpful towards her for having raised me, protected me, fed me and taught me. In a very simple term it seems that she wants my world to revolve around her. At the same time she wants me to be an individual and to strive on my own way. There is a confliction she is causing in this way of raising me, however I'm not certain if she's unaware of it or if she's actually doing it on purpose]

I think at base...this is not conscious on her part.I think if you step back....would you see that this is a pattern with her in her life in general?

[I'm grateful that her and I are getting along so much better at the moment.However I know that, at least for myself as an individual, I need to start doing things differently for myself. I'm keeping aware of potential living situations, job openings and future schools to see what I can do about finances and eventually getting out into the world on my own. The reality is that one day I will not be living in my mother's house, and one day I will be supporting myself. Perhaps with a partner in a room-mate or romance... But that will be a different situation than with my mother. I think it is something for my mother and sister to also learn that I will not always be there as the middle-person to fall back on.]

Again....you amaze me.....just...yeah...you really do.

[Thank you all for reading and responding].....Thank you for sharing...as,I had gained an opportunity to step back and take inventory of me as a mum.

WO.olf

idk...update when you get a chance.