very good, squiggle, very good! I am so proud of you for being so open, really talking with her, and for allowing yourself to be physically AND emotionally closer to her. You know what, it really is OK to become attached....attachment/trust helps you work deeper on deeper issues, you can really go emotionally deeper if you are emotionally closer. I do know this to be true......even if attachment can hurt at times, trust can be hard, it's still worth it and helpful (both the hurtful and helpful aspects have been so true for me!) It may be good for me, but I don't like it. I don't want to become attached to her at all. I want to keep my distance.

And I see what she means about the controlling factor......you're using your voice in a way that you choose, through writing. You're choosing when to share that, not only in session but between....you're in control of that choice and when you share. I think this is a good thing. Sharing with her at all is a huge step for me. Like I said many times, it took months for me to get to the point that I could do that. The first time I sent her an (emotional) email, she said, "Okay, I get it now. You express yourself through writing! Yay! we are getting somewhere. Keep writing!"

You're choosing to ask her for a response, in that way you are asking for/having some control over your therapy too, with her, in a sense. I really think this is kinda where she was going with those odd questions yesterday. She wanted me to tell her what I needed. She wanted me to ask for what I needed. At least, I hope that is where she was going with it. I hope she was not feeling me out to see what I would do if she decided for us not to do any therapy through email anymore.

See, that is those negative thoughts trying to sabatoge a beautiful successful session. STOP, Squiggle! You had an incredible talk with your therapist. DON'T make something out of nothing.

It's not bad control, not being controlling in a negative way.....but having a say in your therapy and in the process! Maybe this doesn't make sense, my head is fuzzy from meds again.....It does make sense and I hope that you are right in your interpretation of what she meant.

But I am glad you seem to have it clear with her that email is accepted, that she will respond, and it's something mutual between the 2 of you that you both agree is good for your therapy and boundaries are set to keep it under control!