Hi, Divorced Woman. I think the crux of the matter is your being driven and having a hard time with his not being like you.

Were I you, I would try to enjoy him as he is (which sounds like you pretty much do, the emotional part) and start backing off on the driving him everywhere, have other things to do or otherwise be unavailable some of the time? Instead of organizing your life and his, just stick to yours and make him ask if you will drive him X place at Y time; don't be available on the spur of the moment and be a bit uncertain whether you will be available in advance. Next time he tells you of an appointment, tell him you would like $5 for gas and time each time you drive him somewhere? Don't do him any "favors" or baby him, bargain with him as if he were a partner!

It's hard, being a woman and not stepping in to help but think of it as an experiment to see what he will do on his own and how he "operates" without you? My husband and I have opposite attitudes too, I'm a "planner" and he is more "spontaneous" but I learned to live with that somewhat by his explanation of toilet paper changing behavior

You know how you are "supposed" to change the toilet paper if you use the last bit? Well, he never does and I confronted him on that and how rude it was, etc. He came back with explaining how his thinking was it makes no difference if you change it if you are the last one to use it or if you change it if you are the first to need it. He had me there!

I bet if you do not drive him some places he needs to go, he will find another way to get there or get his license or otherwise "cope". If he does not, if he just sits and complains that you aren't solving his problems, then you will know he truly has a problem you don't want to be part of?