Well, I spent the day in seclusion at home instead. It was a mindful day. Running away to the beach, for me now, would have been running away. I read a lot about psychotherapy and was able to find some real insight about my situation.

The problem with insight though, is that it uses the rational part of the brain. Being emotional and being rational are 2 different things. The insight though is something I'll take to T next week, if I have enough courage, and maybe we can work through it.

And even though my rational brain doesn't believe T wants to terminate and even though I suspect I know why I feel she does (based on old patterns of emotion, not her actions), still I worry about it.

So, I left her another message tonight telling her that I just realized that a therapist probably cannot ethically tell a client over the telephone that they want to terminate. So, I told her that even if that is true, it's still better to call than to let a client wait a whole week to find out.

It is so silly and stupid feeling this way but T told me in last session when I was going to talk about something I thought was stupid, she told me to put my rational brain to the side and just listen to the emotional part.

So, that's what I'm doing and I expect it to be a gold mine of material for her to work with (if she doesn't terminate) next week.