thanks for the posts - they are much appreciated. my serious nature always seems to undermine things. i will take a game and become a student of it, pushing myself to improve and to learn, learn, learn and, if not master then, at least, employ the different techniques and strategies. sometimes, i learn so much that all the info is overkill and i burn myself out or the enjoyment goes out of it. it's a pattern. part of it may be insecurity that i'm never good enough or am personally deficient, so i try too hard. or, i use all the learning as a distraction to my flaws/weaknesses. a lot of people seem to just enjoy hanging out but i've never enjoyed it much.

i did manage to practice tennis today. i have a long way to go before i step on a court. i rested my problem arm all week and used a new arm brace that keeps the muscles and tendons warm and that restricts movement. it worked! and, i wore high-top basketball sneakers that hold my narrow feet in place, protecting my torn tendon. my new practice racquet lacks power but it's forgiving and is easy on my arm. weather permitting, i will hit the ball against the wall again tomorrow. i need to re-learn to move my feet, to change grips and to hit with spin with margin for error over the net. i don't know how long before i'm ready to step on a court but today felt really positive.

as far as meeting someone well, i really don't know what i'm doing or what to look for. i seem to attract disfunctional people. i don't expect others to be perfect but, if there's some give and take then i'm okay with that. if "friends" become manipulative then i will usually end the friendship. my lack of knowing how to have fun is a big turnoff to others. it seems that i don't know how to be anything other than serious. it's a quandry.

it's hopeful to hear that your mother was able to meet others who helped her to enjoy life. i am on vacation this week but am not going anywhere. i need to put my home in order (spring housecleaning!) it may sound mundane but it's a weakness of mine and will be a real accomplishment if i can do it. thanks for listening.