so, finally i am posting about this. i've known my boyfriend for 2.5 years, and have been living with him for almost a year. When I first moved in, we had sex a lot the first few days, then tapering off to about once or twice a week. Then it went down to once a week... once every 2 weeks..... and now it is not even once a month. I am 22 and he is 47. I know that as men get older their libido sometimes can go down, esp. with lower testosterone and stress. He is also working full time, and has a lot of stress dealing with that, his mom, and finances. He has some problems with depression, and he recently got put to a higher dose of citalopram, 60mg which is the highest you can take. I am on 40mg. Anyway... whenever we used to have sex I always had to initiate it. But it still happened. (I think ONE time he initiated it, but in my defense, I was already nude when he got home from work). But now, whenever I initiate sex he always says he is not in the mood, or too tired. I know he gets stressed out, and internalizes it, and doesn't show it as much like I do. And I try to be there for him and talk to him and everything. BTW, his parts Do work, its the lack of desire.

Tonight, I talked to him a little about it again. I know sex isn't all there is to a relationship. But it is still part of it, right? Normal 47 year old men have sex, right? Anyway, I try to be very understanding and listen and don't just be like "oh you have to have sex with me or else", none of that. I don't blame him. I don't blame anyone. I asked him tonight, if he was really satisfied with how much sex we have (which is less than once a month, we have had it 3 times this year i think). He said that he was. I don't understand that. Who is satisfied with just that much? He doesn't have any unresolved CSA or anything. I would love him still even if we never had sex, but... I guess I am still wanting to improve in that area. It seems like he just doesn't care about it. He used to always tell me things like how I deserve to be pleased and have fun (sexually) and all that. Cause i was recovering from a rape. He was the one who gave me my sexuality back, by being very gentle with me, and making me feel safe. But now I feel like he is taking my sexuality away from me. I masturbate a lot, because he doesn't want to engage. It is making me feel guilty for even wanting sex when he doesn't ever want it. Making me feel dirty again. I hate this. I just do not know what to do. I have asked for him to get his testosterone levels checked, and he agreed to, but has not. It's like, I am trying on my side, but he just doesn't try or care on his part. I know he cares a lot about me, and we love each other. And I know that whether or not we have sex, I still want to be with him, and love him just the same. But... well I don't know. I feel bad for wanting such a dirty thing when he is better and doesn't need it or want it. I feel ashamed. And I don't want to talk to him a lot about it, because, for one thing, he doesn't talk back hardly at all when I try to talk to him about it, and for another thing, it just gets us nowhere and makes me upset. Other than the sex life though, our relationship is great. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I've noticed that since we have hardly had sex, I have eaten much more and gained more weight, and started spending more money. I'm wondering if this is related. But boyfriend says to him, sex is very low on his priorities and that he just has too much responsibilities to deal with. But other men work, and have sex. He works at a call center, sitting around, waiting for calls. Sure it can be mentally tiring. But, i just don't understand it. Sure he has finances and bills and of course he has to put up with me LOL, .... and then there's his mom he has to deal with, but honestly there's not much he has to do for her. I try to get him back into therapy, but its really hard to because of his work schedule. But still, health is more important than work! Ugh, I just wish I could see some effort on his part. guess i am just rambling what has been on my mind tonight.... sigh...