i cant sleep and my head is just spinning with all kinds of thoughts and horrible things.i hate when ii get this way.it hasn't really been this bad in a while .i hate when i try so hard and still cant make sense of my thoughts and clear my head.i haven't had T in about 2 weeks and will see T Monday and then another break.i hate her these days.I'm quite sure she feels the same.i feel like i am starting to get out of control again.and i am scared because i just can't have this happen right now.i am going away for a bit next week,work is insane do to the upcoming holidays.my T is gone more than here,and i really feel like i am starting to loose it.a recipe for me to SI.i am trying really hard not to because i am going away with my friend and i don't want to have to explain and have her worry.i don't know what to do i just see this huge wave comming and worried i cant avoid it