Wow. I do so much of the same thing. I am TRYING to get better, and I am making progress. and then my life starts to get better, and as a result I start to try new things and I freak out, because I am not where I want to be (ex I don't have as many friends, or why am I not at this level at work or school..) and then I start to HATE myself and punish and go backwards. I might have had a boyfriend, but then I started cutting and acting unhealthy around him and telling myself I didn't have a chance. And now I think he may be seeing someone else and that kills me. I keep feeling like I have lost before I really begin and as a result I do lose. I feel like I am rambling. But I love you all.