lavie, you are still that person you described at the dating site. right now tho it's clouded by the depression that distorts who you think you are. i applaud your at least trying to meet men with similar traits,education, etc as you. that shows a willingness to change and grow back into a butterfly.
i'm so glad i've gotten to know you here at pc. we have so many things in common, not just our love of art. when i went on SSD i felt guilty being at home. my T suggested i do some of my painting..something i had put aside when i worked. well i'd hyperventilate when i'd sit down with my paints. T suggested that i do it for 5 seconds then get up. next time, increase time. it desensitized me from my anxiety and fear of the "unknown." i had lost all confidence of me just being me rather than being "productive" me. a lot of time has gone under the bridge since then. even if you only have a mustard seed of hope, your seed will grow. just be gentle and kind to yourself as you do a friend. i know you feel discouraged but i know you can regain joy. how do i know? it happened to me.
i'm so glad we're friends, lavie. always here for you. i felt i have let you down cause i get all over the forums and forget sometimes to say hi in a pm. hugs and i'll make a sincere effort to drop by more often to chat.
you are a very special person in my book and i've relearned how to value my opinion. that's my story and i'm sticking to it.