Quote:
Originally Posted by ECHOES
It isn't your fault at all that you struggle trying to have 2 very different relationships with this man. What he's done to the therapy relationship is overburdened you.
Your story is like a testament for why a dual relationship doesn't work.
You are getting therapy. To do that, you need a therapist who is just a therapist. I hope you will decide to find such a therapist to work with.
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Thank you echoes for the support. I am glad I discussed this on PC before writing a letter. It makes a lot more clear. Thank you for letting me know that this is not my fault. Like most therapy patients I tend to blame myself for everything.
Quote:
Originally Posted by elliemay
I would have trouble in this situation with trust as well. I mean where in this relationship are the boundaries of therapy in which you can feel safe and contained?
I don't know. I think another therapist may be in order here too. Once that frame has been broken, it's hard to put it back together.
Not impossible, just hard.
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Yea I definitely agree with this. For the longest time I just couldn't pinpoint why I couldn't trust him and sure it makes sense on the outside, but just like you said like a frame being broken it would take a lot of glue to fix it and even then it would look a mess. It's better just to throw the frame away or get a new piece of glass. It scares me though, because underneath it all I know that Ts are human. Every T I will ever have. In a way this relationship has bent up my frame a bit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by anilam
I don't understand- How come you two are doing this stuff together? Is he also your friend?
I cant imagine going hiking with my T...
It seem to me like a serious breach of client-therapist relationship.  I see why you suffer with his double role in you life. |
Technically I don't think he's crossed any legal boundaries. Ethically, perhaps. Definitely. However he's a special kind of therapist. Part of an ACT team. ACT teams are met to reach people in the community. Usually they deal with severe mental illness like schizophrenia and therapy isn't as important as meds. But I have PTSD and my only treatment that would work was therapy. He's said to me numerous times that working with me is a relief, because he's a therapist and that's what he wants to do. Other staff in the office prefer working with people who do not need therapy (probably more so then do). Because they aren't as "breakable".
Over the years I've been with him this has led to him "being my main staff member". He does everything and has cut out other staff entirely. Threw my caseworker off my case and took over that part. Delivers my meds, does stuff in the community with me to help me adjust to life outside of being institutionalized. Recently I've told him before realizing why that "other staff have to be involved in my care and that it's unfair to me if they're not". I mean for awhile he was my therapist, my caseworker, my group therapist, my friend, my psych nurse. It was like I knew nothing but him. He has admitted to me that he feels the "need to take care of me". Which in general says "he had issues with wanting to control my treatment". He has since gotten better about this, but like Elliemay said it is hard to fix a broken frame.
Quote:
Originally Posted by dizgirl2011
Hey,
this does seem like a very odd relationship that you have with him and in many ways I think perhaps he has done the wrong thing in crossing the boundary from therapist to friend. You highlighted one of the very reasons this is not supposed to happen - because your seeing two different people in him, which causes uncertainty and incongruency. This can cause you to doubt who he is in therapy and this is damaging.
I wonder if he thought it would help you trust him but at the same time it's very strange that he does all these things with you outside of Therapy. Is he a therapist or a case worker?
When things have happened to us in life, it can mean that we find trusting others extremely hard. What I think your Therapist should have really done was to gain your Trust as a therapist first and foremost, as this is meant to be his most important role in your life from him.
I know others on the forum have talked about doing very friend-like things with their therapists and although it is always crossing a boundary where the ethics of therapy is concerned, most of these individuals have a very trusting and long standing relationship with their T first and foremost.
I am not sure if he is the right therapist for you and also if it's good you have a male therapist so you can work through these issues or if your better off with a female you can trust first?
I am hesitant to give advice as I would hate to give it wrongly. If you can talk to him then that would be a good idea.
I know people progress at different rates but it is concerning to me that after 3 years you cannot trust him as a therapist. *huge huggggggsss!!** |
Yes he is my caseworker AND therapist. Although he was my therapist first and then threw my caseworker off my case and took over that aspect too. I think you are right in saying that he thought doing all those things would make it easier to trust him. A bit of impatience or wishful thinking. He's relatively young and like I mentioned previously he deals a lot more with very severe cases that are not in need of intense therapy like I am. He prefers doing therapy and so I think he "clung" to me as an escape from working with something he didn't prefer. But like I also said, most of the staff in there who are most used to "meds and out" find me completely terrifying and would have rather him just handle it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Can't Stop Crying
I don't have a dual-relationship with my T, but I can't make eye contact with him either. It is not about trust for me, it is about shame. He knows my deepest, darkest secrets so I stare at the floor or bury my head in my hands. I can't imagine the confusion of having him switch roles on you....
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Hmm interesting point. Maybe this is part of it too. But it's most like my "friend" knowing all my deepest secrets and lowest of lows and that is incredibly shameful in general.