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Name: Ava
Age: 18
Sex: Female
Location: Florida
Age when you first self-injured: 12/13
How long have you been self-injuring (months, years): bout 6 years. Although I haven't in the past 7 months.

What are/were some of your triggers (i.e. fights with parents, school work, getting dumped, etc.)?

Definitely fights with people. It's that feeling of anger and frustration that builds up that can make me snap. That, along with school work, stressful things (fight with a friend on a day that my car broke down and I lost my dog...etc etc).

What did you know about self-injury before you started? How?

I had seen it on Girl, Interrupted. It intrigued me, so I thought I'd give it a shot.

What made you start self-injuring? (the specific incident or trigger if you can remember)

To be honest, I don't remember. I do think I had to use a variety of things at first...tried scissors, then a knife, but none of them were sharp enough. Eventually I found a razor from a pencil sharpener.

Why do/did you self-injure? How does/did it make you feel better?

For some reason, when I cut and am doing it, it just makes me feel like everything I was feeling is released. All the frustration, the anger, the pain that I cannot express with emotions or words is defined in the cut(s). I don't have to worry about saying it staying inside me longer and eating me alive.

How do/did you feel before, during, and after the self-injury?

Before I know I'm going to cut, it's horrible. It's every emotion you can think of wrapped up into one and the only way I might be able to explain it is severe frustration. When I decide I will cut, I get hyper almost. I'm anxious about it, excited I guess you could say. I find my 'tools' and get settled. My heart races by my mind, for once, is clear. I know what I'm doing. During cutting, I feel good...much better than before. After? Guilty, sad, horrible, a failure, sick, twisted, even more depressed than before. However during the time I 'care' for my wounds, I still feel good. I feel like I've accomplished something. It's when it's all done and said that reality settles in.

Have there been any health scares that resulted from your self-injury (emergency room visits, etc.)? Did you continue to self-injure despite this?

No, not in my case. I probably should have gone once or twice but I never did.

If you've been to a psychiatric hospital could you describe your experience? Did it help you? Why or why not?

Have never been.

If you still self-injure do you think you will ever stop? Do you want to stop? Why can't/won't you stop?

I haven't self injured in over 7 months. Some days, months, weeks, are better than others. In particular these last few weeks have been horrible. I doubt I'll be able to keep myself from cutting now and in the future if I don't seek psychological help.

If you don't self-injure anymore why did you stop? How did you stop? How hard is it to refrain from doing this?

I stopped because I had a death in the family, and instead of coping by cutting, I took into account of how that person could now see me. I wasn't alone when I was cutting anymore, because they were watching and knowing that they could see someone they loved live such a dark secret...I didn't feel it was fair to them. When I made the decision, that was it. And I stopped. 7 months later, here I am. However, I find that as I fall deeper into my depression, it's not longer a question of how long I can keep this streak going, but of when it's going to break.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? If so, which ones (OCD, Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, etc.)?

To my knowledge, GAD and dysthymia. I also believe I suffer from panic attacks.

Hope this helped.