eskie I know how you feel. My mom died almost 13 yrs ago and I have to say it was horrible. After the first yr things do start easing up a bit. Not sure why but it does. I had horride visions of her dying for a long time. I thought I would lose my mind. Even now at times I see her face as she was dying. Try to keep as busy as you can and know that things will get better. (((U)))