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My daughter is graduating from college at the end of the month. Since she’ll be graduating with honors the college has invited her and two guests to the college sponsored honor’s breakfast.
Since my mother will be travelling with us and she can only have two guests, my daughter suggested that she invite my FIL and SIL. My two of my SIL graduated from that college. At Christmas my FIL made comments about how he had not been there for a graduation since his second daughter graduated. SIL told him she already had a hotel reservation and that he was welcome to stay in her room. While we were there, that same daughter wrote on his calendar the day my daughter graduates and the day of her and the twins party (who will be graduating from HS).
So a couple weeks ago she contacted her grandfather to invite him to the honors breakfast. Last night the SIL that will be attending let my daughter know that not only would FIL not be attending the breakfast he would not be attending graduation.
FIL trains and certifies Firefighters for this state. He will be certifying a group a mere 30 minutes from where she is graduating. My husband is livid (more hurt I suspect) that his father will not be attending graduation. FIL sets the time for certification, he could easily adjust the time to attend but it doesn’t occur to him.
My issue is this: after the last time my daughter was devastated by her grandfather I told my husband and daughter both that although I understand how painful this is for them, they have to accept the man as he is. He’s 72 years old. He hasn’t shown any consideration for anyone but himself in the 40 years I’ve known him and he is not about to start now.
Last night hubby was on phone with SIL. SIL was crying hysterically. She seems to think she has to do something to fix this. Hubby was mad and not really thinking properly. He’d called her 1) to vent and 2) to ask what was so important that his father was going to miss his granddaughter’s college graduation. You see the issue is that my FIL will continually go out of his way for my niece (2 weeks older than my daughter). The sibling rivalry between hubby and his older sister has continued with what FIL does for niece and does not do for our daughter. (He remembers niece’s birthday and forgets our daughters. I use the term forget loosely as all of our birthdays are printed on the Fireman’s calendar. He has in fact given niece gifts ON my daughter’s birthday in front of her and just shrugs when someone will say “um, dad today is Bug’s birthday”.
I am SO frustrated. I KNOW FIL hurt daughter and husband, but this is not the first time nor will it be the last. My opinion is just stop expecting him to be thoughtful.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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