Thank you for your response, freshpearl! You definitely helped me feel more validated that I'm not just wining, you know? :-)

I am sorry to hear that you had to endure sexual abuse as a child. I was also raped in childhood, but I have always been grateful that my dad NEVER touched me that way, not even close. He has a hard time even saying "I love you". My experience was short and I was too young to really understand. It's amazing how many woman have been sexually assaulted by their loved ones (including close friends). I'm glad to see that you seem to be in a healthy place now, although I'm sure the mental scars still hurt because something like that never really goes away.

You are right about attractiveness having more to do with how you feel than how you look. I spoke to my boyfriend yesterday after reading your response about the possibility of seeking a therapist for spiritual healing. He was very supportive. He was also glad, as am I, that I was able to connect with someone who has struggled with losing weight after having a child. I don't have any friends who have children, so it's hard for them to relate to me on this issue and it leaves me feeling isolated.

I have seen counselors in the past, but never for an extended period. When I was in college I was referred to the school counselor because my emotional issues were getting in the way of attending class and doing well. I was failing almost ever class, and I am typically a straight A student. She was very nice, but could only help me so much due to school regulations and suggested I seek professional help as well. The only reason I didn't was because of the cost. I will definitely start searching for a long-term therapist that might help me talk through some of these issues that I have been carrying with me for so long. Maybe I will actually be able to move on this time, so I can teach my son how to love himself by example, rather than doing what my mom did by talking about loving myself, but showing me that self love was nearly impossible. I wish she would have sought therapy herself so she could have been able to enjoy more of her time with me as a child, rather than feeling overwhelmed and bitter about how she had to put her problems aside so she could raise her kids. I've started to realize that taking care of my son starts with taking care of myself, otherwise, I will simply project all of my insecurities and bitterness on to him.

Thanks for the advice! This is the first time I have been able to talk plainly about the issues that I have with myself, without fear of judgment or rejection.