I think it's very good that you have come to this realization it's so much safer isn't it, to work on meeting others' needs, Oh yes, definitely safer. I love being safe. and not deal with depending on others' meeting (or yikes, NOT meeting) yours ... at least that's how it feels from here... the only thing is, we do have needs, even if having them makes us feel defective and shame filled.... this is not narcissism Suratji. I'm working with T on how to ask for what I want/need and not feel so terrified of hearing the word 'no'. We will practice by me asking her for something ridiculous that I know she will say no to - like "can we run away to the circus?' Funny thing is, even asking that question of her scares me

one other misc thought.... "Narcissism" is not an all-bad concept; after all, there is a healthy narcissism that occurs in early developmental years, as the child learns to differentiate from others Good point.. Could it be possible that, even in what is remembered as a calm-filled life, that phase didn't go quite a well for one reason or another as one might think? so that today, having someone really listen intently for an hour is unsettling?