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Originally Posted by DivorcedWoman
Thanks for the input. I was really tired last night so I decided not to call or text him. I go to bed earlier than he does and he didn't call or text me either. Two friends I talked to said to let him process things for a day or two and then maybe send a text are you still mad at me or something along those lines. I'm meeting with my counselor tomorrow morning and she always has good advice so looking forward to hearing what she has to say.
I'm not really that angry anymore and I miss him but at the same time it feels good to have a break. I guess another thing that is hard for me is I was married for so long we didn't really have a chance to take a break for the most part and we many times worked on the issue at hand or let them die down and move on.
Like I said he spends a majority of his time at my place so I was a bit perturbed when he started packing his things without saying he was going to stay at his place that night. I felt very upset and in a sense abandoned. I have always had abandonment issues which is something I'm working on with my counselor. He knows about these issues I have as well so it seemed even more hurtful. Yes, we weren't getting along but we couldn't really talk about it because our kids were around. It brings up fears I have that he will just up and walk away if he doesn't like something.
I guess a little time apart might be good though for both of us to process and decompress. I do have a tendency to let things build up and then get very upset plus I am sensitive so some things tend to affect me in a deeper way than others and I can tend to overreact.
Another thing I'm pondering through this stuff is that I feel loved by him but at the other time I feel a bit used. Like I've mentioned I do all of the driving and pay for groceries and a good portion of our activities. If I lend him money too he says he will pay me back but rarely does.
By nature I am a giver and I do have quite a bit more money than him, but in our earlier days he always offered to pay for things at different times. I had to bug him about it a few months ago and he started contributing more to things. I hate to say it and I feel awful for even saying it but does anyone else think he could be using me? I've never been in this situation before so I feel a little unsure. Am I grasping at straws here?
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I have some major abandonment issues myself, so I understand not wanting to be abandoned, but what is he actually doing for you?
I have also been the primary or sole breadwinner in many of my relationships. It's awkward sometimes as a woman to do this, but also awkward for a man, who is used to being "the man, the provider, etc" to be put into the situation where he isn't in that role. It sounds like where you are a giver, your boyfriend is a taker, and takes all the help from you and whoever else will give him stuff, rides, etc. It's never a good idea to lend money to people you know - give it as a gift because you won't expect it back.
I know you are a smart woman. And if you're thinking these things, there's probably good reason for them. go with your gut and follow your instincts. if you are feeling used, then you are probably being used. And I know you miss him, but do you miss him, or the comfortability of having him there.
I am very jaded (hence the name) when it comes to men and dating, but I'm wondering what you are getting out of this relationship. you are driving him around, you are paying for activities...you are lending him money....it sounds like he is your son....and please, I say this from being in the exact same situation with men in my life...i say this out of caring and total understanding...but I can tell you it can be so much better too.
i really hope you aren't offended but i think you can do so much better.
You can PM me if you want.