I pray that you won't. Wish there was someone there with you who could help you, someone you really trust. It seems to me that you may work better with a female therapist, because working with another male is just too hard on you. Didn't you want a woman, could you change?

But meanwhile, can you make yourself look at your situation in a different way? Distance yourself from it? As if it was someone else and what different reaction could there be. For example, someone else could think "how dare he/they make me feel this way?! Perhaps there ought to be some body parts cut off but for sure not mine!"

You know that you are not the one that needs to be punished for what was done to you, and yet you are being punished, every day, and that bastard doesn't know, doesn't see, doesn't want to see, doesn't bloody care. It's like hitting yourself with a hammer because someone done something bad to you, and you can't very well hit them, so you hit that which you can, i.e. yourself. It's in a twisted way logical, but it is just Soo Wrong.

Do you see how after he has stolen your power away, how your own continuation along this shame path just keeps on giving it to him and other men who are mirror images of him?